June 15, 2009

Confessional

I'm listening to "Circus." (Yes, I love it.)

*****

I haven't even wandered near the writing front for a week or two now, which is pretty unusual for me. The only writing I've done is a secret.

*****

I love secrets, the feeling that you know something someone else doesn't. It makes me feel more important than I really am, like I know something exclusive, some kind of inside gossip, something special.

*****

I should have called you, but I didn't. I was too afraid to pick up the phone and dial.

*****

Somehow, I'm lost in this tangle of life. I don't know where I tripped and fell off the road, but I know I did.

*****

It's difficult to decide on a favorite novel. Some of my top rankers? "Paper Towns," "Speak," "Wintergirls," "My Sister's Keeper," "North of Beautiful." Each one did something for me. Each one spoke to me (no pun intended). Each one was powerful and handed me a new mirror.

*****

Sometimes I wonder if we have enough mirrors. When I find a new one (or receive a new one), I always feel like I don't have enough, because there are always more to discover and be discovered.

*****

The world is so complicated and cobwebby. When I'm reaching deep in the thread, I wonder why I'm here in the first place. Why, and equally as important: how. How I got here. How I made it to this place in the world, in whatever's written out for me to do and live through.

*****

I'm afraid this is a pretty life-reflective, meaning-of-lifey post, but it's exactly what I need(ed) to say.

7 comments:

cuileann said...

I advise you to focus on figuring out where you are rather than finding your way back. I suspect it could be a good place.

And now I don't even know how to transition out of a statement that metaphorical! Haha.

Erin said...

Ditto what cuileann said, pretty much. :)

odessa said...

ah, maya...you are too sweet. enjoy the questions. its what makes life more interesting!

p.s. glad to hear from you again.

Beth Kephart said...

With commenters as wise as the ones you have, you do not need me, not one bit!

:)

Maya Ganesan said...

Oh, Beth. I will always need you.

January said...

I love secrets, too. That's why confessions are a perfect venue to just talk about what's on your mind.


We're all a little lost right now. It's not just you.

January said...

Hang in there!